Saturday, December 28, 2013

Christmas Bomb!

This year’s Christmas was truly entertaining.

I had an amazing and lovely Christmas Eve. Booked a suite all to myself and enjoyed spa. I must be out of my mind but hey, I loved it!

Later, I had a crazy and out-of-control Christmas Countdown. It was a last minute plan.

Then, I attended a wedding luncheon on Christmas Day itself and had a little fun for the rest of the day until...

...I received that piece of news.


It is okay.

The shock is now over.

And everything seems so clear to me now.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Crazy Christmas 2013!

How did I celebrate Christmas Eve? Well, every year had always been different for me and this year’s was no different either.

Since I had joined Toastmaster, I had a few Christmas celebrations in different clubs, namely Bagan Ajam TMC and Dell Dynamics TMC.


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I booked a hotel room on island to celebrate the Christmas Eve. The room was really big and I had the jacuzzi bathtub all to myself! Not only that, I went for a spa as well. The massage was not any good but, I did pamper myself to the max!

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After I had done pampering myself, a close friend of mine called me up to join him and his friends for Christmas countdown at Gurney Drive. Without hesitating, I decided to join them and guess what? It was really crowded!

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All of us played with snow spray and trust me, it was really fun! I had only watched people playing around with it but I had never tried it myself so, this year I took another step and bought three cans and attacked my friend.

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On Christmas Day itself, I attended a wedding luncheon of one of my best friends in Penang. I am truly happy for her – to have found her happiness and a man who really loves her. Congratulations and looking forward to the arrival of your little one.

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I continued the day with meeting up with my close friend again to join his friends for bowling. While they were playing, I went to a hair salon to wash my hair, knowing that I would be outside the whole day and would not have the chance to take my shower. We had our dinner at a restaurant near to jetty later that night.

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As we were eating, we were suggesting a place to go after-dinner. We decided to look for a café that provides board games for their customers to play. That was when we came across Funbox and trust me, we really had a good time there.

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I am really glad that I enjoyed my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to the fullest, thanks to this close friend of mine. Without him, I guess I would be spending my Christmas with mundane activities followed by mundane mood.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

You Will Be Greatly Missed But Never Forgotten

This morning I received a message from a friend whom I have not talked to for a very long time. We met in Shanghai and everyone is busy with their own lives after each of us left this amazing place.

He told me that he must have had sent to the wrong email address of mine and hence, decided to drop me a message in Gtalk with the link he wanted to show to me.

Initially I thought his account was hacked and the hacker may have sent all those dangerous link in my friend's contact list. Therefore, I ignored the link and deleted the messages.

It was until I checked my mailbox at work in the afternoon, I saw his mail. I opened it and it was the same link. The title of the mail concerned me a lot and therefore I decided to click the link he shared.

I read the title of the news and it did not bother me much until I read the content and came upon the familiar name. I was dumbfounded and my mind just went blank at that moment. I was speechless.

Ying left the world just like that. The cause of her death remains unknown. The officers are still investigating and of course, the whole world is trying to find out what had happened to her.

I knew Ying in Shanghai. Similarly to my case, we were both Exchange Participants under AIESEC to do our management traineeship in Shanghai. She arrived Shanghai two months later after Szu and I started our internships. She faced a lot of difficulties to have her Visa done but she did not give up. She was very determined and did not lose hope.

Ying was born in Malaysia but grew up in New Zealand. She was like the big sister in our group. A very ambitious, energetic and strong young lady. I remember she landed Shanghai on the night of Halloween. Instead of taking her rest, she changed into her costume and joined us at the Halloween Party! Now that showed how crazy and energetic this young lady was! 

Her giggles were what made her stood out the most and trust me, she had a really loud voice. Thanks to that we never failed to have crazy and fun moments in Shanghai.

Now that she is gone, I am sure her friends and family will take a long time to get over this big loss. May she rest in peace and dear Lord, bless her family and friends so they will stay strong. 

Friday, November 1, 2013

Overcoming A Breakup!


Lately, either I met ladies who are heart broken or they came to me by their own will. I am neither a love guru nor mending-up-broken-hearts expert.

It is because of one simple reason – I had been there. Therefore, I understand very well on what they are going through and the pain they have to endure.

If you had been following my blog closely, you should know - I was depressed, hurt and torn apart. It was neither my first nor true love but no matter how you look at it, getting over the pain never seems to get easier.

However, if you had always been by my side, you could have seen very clearly on how this cheerful and happy dopey young lady became really depressed and weak but managed to get back up up until today. You are the ones who had seen the most of me compared to other people and I am pretty sure you are proud to see I made it through the storm.

Why am I here? I just thought I should share with you on how I managed to get over my breakup. Disclaimer: Below are just my personal experiences so, I am not holding any responsibility with whatever you are doing next.


First of all, ladies, always remember that it is not wrong for you to be emotional. Let it all out! That includes cry, yell and scream. Just do whatever it takes to let it all out. Partying, drinking and finding some new guys will not help. The blow will return unless you take the time to let it out. Do not rush yourself to move on as well. Take your time. Just do not try to get back with him which leads to my next point.

The attempts of getting him back will not only hurt you but will make him lose his respect to you completely. Remember that if a man can move on easily and doing really well after the breakup, it can only means that he had been thinking to break off the relationship for a period of time! Therefore, do not waste your time trying to patch things up with him. I know it is not going to be easy. I had been there, alright? However, it hurts you even more so, why do you want to do that?


It then leads to my third point – block him out of your life! Stop contacting him or texting him. Do whatever it takes to make yourself not able to keep in touch with him – block him in Facebook, delete all the pictures of him and even delete his number! Okay, I know deleting number is useless because you probably remember his number but what the hell? So long you still see him in your contact list, you will never stopped contacting him at all! Another way is to focus your mind on other things which leads to the next point.

Spend time with your friends, exercise, get more involved into your work or probably some volunteer works. In my case, I spent time with my friends (and we are really close compared to before) and also I got more involved into my work. Some people keep him off their minds by socialising and making new friends. For me, I was not able to do it because I do not want to send out negative signals to newly made friends. I waited until I was fully recovered and ready only, I started to socialise and make new friends – I recently joined Toastmasters Club.


Nevertheless, we are still human. The thought of him will immediately haunt you inside your head and you will start to think about what it happened, how it could have been different and what you could have done in order for things to take a different course. Try to think about it. We are unable to go back in time and change anything. There is no portal or machine for us to go back and change the history. You will just be torturing yourself for no reason so, stop dwelling and move forward. I know it is not easy because I had been there. Since I made it through, why can’t you? It will definitely take time which leads us to the next and final point.

Time really heals everything. Trust me, it does. Do not ever rush yourself. Heal your wounds in a comfortable pace but do not ever try to look back. Taking the first step is always the hardest but once you managed to do it, the rest of the journey ain't that difficult. However, you must not stop and turn back because you can only move forward and not backward. Of course, if you are tired, you can take a rest for a while but continue to move forward after.


It was never easy for me as well but it does not mean that you will not be able to make it. You are not the only one. I had been there and managed to make it through the storm. I was able to do it and thus, it is important to understand that soon, you will, too!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

A Blessed Engagement To Dom and Letty!

There was finally a happy celebration in my family – my older brother was engaged few days ago! My family especially my grandparents had been hunger for such celebration in our family.

Initially they looked up to me, thought I would be the first to get engaged or married but, oh well, things always did not go as planned.

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Anyhow, it was a happy lovely celebration that day especially for the couple of seven years. The world really has a weird way of doing its own things. Letty and I were classmates back in Form 4 and 5 and we had a history but it is a past already so, let us not talk about it and move on.

Hopefully things will go well for them in future. 

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As for myself?

I had the best moments in my life as well – gathered together with my family and had fun together.

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Frankly speaking, home is definitely the best place to love and to be loved in return hundred folds.

Monday, October 7, 2013

A Blessed Marriage To Sherry!

The past weekend had been an exhausting one. It really drained out most of my energy! I guess my age ain’t able to catch up with my crazily hectic lifestyle...

However, I had witnessed a beautiful marriage. I had attended a few marriages, to be one of the bridesmaids, but this was really different!

I was asked to be the Maid of Honor and I witnessed something that I had never ever witnessed in my life before!

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As the bridesmaids were downstairs giving challenges and games to the Groom and his butlers, I was upstairs with the Bride and her parents.

The moment of her parents covering her with the wedding veil was really touching. My heart twitched and tears were pooling in my eyes

Tears streamed down the Bride’s face and I could see her parents were holding up their tears too.

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It really made me think that being born a female is like a punishment. You have to leave your beautiful family to be with a family that was never part of your life. The new family will never love you the way your own family do.

It is really sad if you think about it...

Therefore, I really hope men out there will not only love their wives truthfully but also to treat them right.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Chapter 3 (Part III): How Men and Women Found Peace

Men and Women will only be able to live together in peace if they are able to respect their differences.


Men learned to respect that Women needed to talk to feel better even if they do not have much to say because by listening, they could be very supportive.

Men realised that even when they felt they were being attacked, blamed or criticised by the Women, they knew it was only temporary. Soon the Women would suddenly feel better and be very appreciative and accepting.

Each Man finally understood that a Woman’s need to talk about her problems was not because he was failing her in some way. He learned that once a Woman feels heard, she stops dwelling on her problems and becomes very positive.

With such awareness, a Man will be able to listen without feeling responsible for solving all her problems. Also, as a man gets good at listening, he realises that listening can be an excellent way to forget the problems of his day as well as bring a lot of fulfillment to his partner.


Women learned to respect that Men needed to withdraw to cope with stress. The cave is no longer a great mystery or cause for alarm.

They learned to be more accepting of him at these times because he was experiencing a lot of stress.

They are not offended when Men are easily distracted. When a Woman talked and her Man became distracted, she would very politely stop talking, stand there and wait for him to notice. Then she would begin talking again. She understood that sometimes it was hard for him to give his full attention. They discovered that by asking for the Men’s attention in a relaxed and accepting manner, Men are happy to redirect their attention.

However, when Men were completely preoccupied and in their caves, Women also will not take it personally. They know that it is not the time to have intimate conversations but a time to talk about problems with their own friends or have fun and go shopping. When Men thereby felt loved and accepted, Women will discover that Men would come out of their caves quicker.

To know how men cope with stress, check out the post here.

To know how women cope with stress, check out the post here.


Extracted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Monday, September 16, 2013

Do Not Talk Bad About Your Boyfriend Or Husband To Anyone Ever!

If you asked me what is the one thing I learnt the most from my previous relationship, I would say..

‘Don’t talk bad about your boyfriend/husband to anyone ever’

My older brother told me this YEARS ago.

He said the relationship he has with his girlfriend can maintain up until now is because they always talk good things about each other in front of their own respective friends.

We may be venting but our friends or others do not forgive and forget the things you say about your boyfriend or husband.


They do not love him like you do.

Generally the only way people know your boyfriend or husband is through you.

Build him up.



Sunday, September 8, 2013

Life, A Bitch And An Angel!

I have to admit that ‘life’ is a bitch but at the same time, it is an angel.

It has its weird ways of doing its own things and at its own pace.

If you learn to adore it, it will bless you with rewards. Piss it off and it will screw you nevertheless.

What I want to emphasise here is that, whatever comes to you, regardless an opportunity or a challenge, take it or face it respectively.

Bad things do happen in our lives. It is normal. However, it will not be permanent. It will pass. It is not wrong to be a muppet. You can grieve and be weak for as long as you want – do it at your own comfortable pace. Take your time. Nonetheless, you must promise yourself that you will move on.

Always remember that, if it does not end the way you want it to be, it is not the end yet. Therefore, keep going. Keep fighting. The destination is not the main point. The journey is.

Personally I had been through the highest as well as the lowest moments in my life and I know they will not stop knocking on my door. Yet, do keep in mind that happiness and sadness do not come together. They are practically enemies. When one leaves, only there is enough space for the other to come.

Hence, if you do not open the door for sadness to leave, how will happiness come in?

At any rate, these are just my personal views about life through my own little bit and pieces of my experience.


Sunday, September 1, 2013

Butterflies In My Stomach!

When I wanted to text you...

When I saw your text...

When I wanted to call you...

When I received your call...

When I am ready to go out to see you...

When I am about to see you...

When I see you...

When I think about the time we spent together...

When I think about you...

...there are always butterflies in my stomach!



When I did not get your reply...

And you never called...

And I did not get to see you...

And I knew, all along, you do not reciprocate the feelings I have for you...

...there are always heartbreaks.


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

To Fall In Love Again?


Facebook is amazing.

It is amazing how I am still able to look back all the posts posted on my timeline as far as back in year two oh oh seven.

Of course there are people who entered my life and then left. However, there are still a bunch of people who entered my life and stay, up until now.

Sometimes I have to look back to learn what I had missed so as not to repeat the same mistake again in the future. I only look in the rear view mirror to glance back remembering the memories and mandating that I will not make the same mistakes. Of course, I constantly look forward making sure I do not miss a thing in the present!

However, there is a saying that goes ‘Sometimes in order to appreciate your future, you must remember the past.’

I do accept the fact that there are things or people that I cannot get back again, ever. I guess ‘We do not meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason’ really hit me.

I will never forget that when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look at the closed door for too long that we do not see the one that has already been opened for us.

Therefore, I am now entering the new door of happiness.

No, I am still single but I am looking forward to fall in love again. Yes, I know I was betrayed and hurt real bad in the past relationship but this shall not stop me to fall in love again. This shall not change my nature. However, I shall change my view in getting into a relationship.

Why do I want to be in a relationship?

Not so that I will be happy.

Not so that I feel completed.

Not so that I feel good about myself.

All these perceptions are inane! They will only aggravate the relationship between you and your other half.


I learned, in a hard way, that happiness comes from within. I am responsible on my own happiness. I shall feel good about myself. I am complete with myself. Also, I shall never ever forget my own value when I am loving my significant other.

If I do not love myself, what rights do I have to expect him to love me? If I am not happy with myself, what rights do I have to expect him to be happy with me? If I am not enjoying my own company, what rights do I have to expect him to enjoy my company?

In a nutshell, I shall stop whingeing about the other half not being able to make me happy and all those shits.

I want to be in a relationship because I want to share my wonderful life with him. Also, to fall in love with him, I must fall in love with his lifestyle as well because to love someone, I must love his life too. Else, how is he able to share his life with me?

Therefore, do not judge me by my past. I am not in the past anymore.

Accept me for who I am because this is me today.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Two Years..

So it has already been two years.

Two years ago, if you had asked me if I ever had the slightest thought that I would end up like now, I would say no.

Two years ago, if you had asked me to reconsider my decision, I would say no.

Two years ago..

It is neither short nor long but a lot of things come by unexpectedly.

I was damaged emotionally, mentally and physically but, I am proud that I am still standing strong and tall.

Even if I could go back in time, I would still make the same decision.


It does hurt.

Hurt a lot.

Like a big hole in my heart that I thought I would die.

However, I am stronger now. I am tougher now. I am wiser now, well, a bit since I am still stubborn when it comes to relationship.

I feel I could face anything!

I believe those who had been by my side all these while, they had seen the happiness that I had when I first moved here and then, I fell real hard. Blimey, I did a lot of stupid things which disrespect myself.

“I can never ever move on” “I cannot make it” “This is hard”

Those were all the thoughts I had back then.

And also, because of this, I managed to know who truly care about me and never leave me.

Trust me, someone who said “I will always be by your side” or “I will never leave you” are not always the ones that will stay.

When I looked back, I realised that nothing can bring me down now.


Monday, August 12, 2013

Chapter 3 (Part II): How Do Women Cope With Stress?


They talk!

A woman feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the possible problems that are associated with her feelings. However, she is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.

Unfortunately, when women talk about problems, men usually resist. A man assumes she is talking with him about her problems because she is holding him responsible. The more problems, the more he feels blamed. He does not realise that she is talking to feel better. A man does not know that she will appreciate it if he just listens. This is because, men talk about problems for only two reasons: they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice.

If a woman is really upset, a man assumes she is blaming him and he begins to defend himself. He thinks if he explains himself, she will stop blaming him. The more he defends himself, the more upset she becomes. He does not realise that explanations are not what she needs. She needs him to understand her feelings and let her move on to talk about more problems.

If a woman seems less upset, then he assumes she is asking for advice. However, when he offers solutions to her problems, she just continues talking about more problems. After offering two or three solutions, he expects her to feel better. When she does not feel better, he feels his solutions have been rejected and he feels unappreciated.

Men also become impatient when woman talk about problems in great detail. He mistakenly assumes that when she talks in great detail, that all the details are necessary for him to find a solution to her problem. Again, he does not realise that she is looking not for a solution from him but for his caring and understanding.

Also, listening is difficult for a man because he mistakenly assumes there is a logical order when she randomly changes from one problem to another. Again, he does not realise that she finds relief through talking about problems, worries, disappointments and frustrations and that these topics need not be in any order and tend to be logically unrelated.

Another reason a man mat resist listening is that he is looking for the bottom line. He cannot begin formulating his solution until he knows the outcome. Something a woman can do to make it a little easier for him is to let him know in advance the outcome of the story and then go back and give the details. Avoid keeping him in suspense.

More important, if a woman can remind a man that she just wants to talk about her problems and he does not have to solve any of them, it can help him to relax and listen.

To know how men cope with stress, check out the post here.


Extracted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Don’t Judge Me By My Look!

My beauty is not limited to my looks or the way I walk. It is not my body or my hair that defines me. Do not judge me by my looks, my clothes or the way I wear my hair.

My intelligence is not limited to my degrees or my education level. Do not make assumptions about me by looking at my income, my house or my lifestyle

I cannot be defined by all these.


Judge me by the love and compassion I have in my heart.

Find the beauty in the way I smile when I hide my scars and overcome my pain and my passion to survive despite all the odds in my life.

Judge me by the way I treat people around me and the way I touch so many hearts with my unconditional love.

My life is not glorious but it is not awful or pathetic either.

I may not have a great influence on people I meet but I am unique in my own special ways, even with my flaws and imperfections.

And if this is not enough, you can define me by the footprints of love that I will leave behind in the hearts of people when I am dead and gone.

I am proud of what I am.

Monday, July 29, 2013


Those years I spent on you were gone to waste when I realised how much you do not know me.

I am thankful you chose to leave me.

I am thankful you did not accept me back.

I am thankful. Really.


Sunday, July 21, 2013

Chapter 3 (Part I): How Do Men Cope With Stress?


They go their caves!

When a man gets upset, he never talks about what is bothering him. He would never burden another man with his problem unless his friend’s assistance was necessary to solve the problem.

Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn. They will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. They feel better by solving problems.

At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive and preoccupied in his relationship. He is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives and certainly deserves.

If, however, he can find a solution, instantly he will feel much better and come out of his cave; suddenly he is available for being in a relationship again.

When a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she does not know how stressed he is. She feels hurt when he turns on the news or goes outside to play some basketball and ignores her.

To expect a man who is in his cave instantly to become open, responsive and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who is upset immediately to calm down and make complete sense.

It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman’s feelings to always be rational and logical.

Men generally do not realise how extremely and quickly they may shift from being warm and feeling to being unresponsive and distant.

When a man begins to ignore his wife, she often takes it personally. Knowing that he is coping with stress in his own way is extremely helpful but does not always help her alleviate the pain.

At such times, she may feel the need to talk about these feelings. This is when it is important for the man to validate her feelings. He needs to understand that she has the right to talk about her feelings of being ignored and unsupported just as he has the right to withdraw into his cave and not talk. If she does not feel understood then it is difficult for her to release her hurt.

By remembering that men are from Mars, a woman can correctly interpret his reaction to stress as his coping mechanism rather than as an expression of how he feels about her. As a man recognises how withdrawing into his cave may affect women, he can be compassionate when she feels neglected and unimportant. Remembering that women are from Venus helps him to be more understanding and respectful of her reactions and feelings.

To know how women cope with stress, check out the post here.


Extracted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


How should I picture my current life?

Imagine you are on this huge piece of land covered by grasses and beautiful flowers..

Blue sky with puffy clouds covering the hot sun so you will not get burnt real bad..

Birds chirping on the trees and wild rabbits jumping around..

And you were running across the land when suddenly..

You accidentally stepped on a landmine.

That is how my life is now..


Thursday, July 11, 2013

It Always Gets Better

I was reading the older posts on my blog and came across this particular post.

I sounded really weak. I sounded really troubled. I sounded really hopeless.

But guess what?

After I made a review on what I had written in that post, I realised that I am so much stronger than I thought.

Loneliness had been eating me up? What nonsense is that? What was I thinking? Look at me, I am doing really good. In fact, I feel awesome. As if nothing had ever happened to me.

I feel lonely at my new lair. Are you kidding me? Things are going great now. I have new housemates moving in and they are a bunch of nice people. All of us came from the same hometown. Awesome, right?

Not being able to face my family? What was wrong with me? They are the people who love me for who I really am. They are the people who accept me. They are the people who will never leave me. Without them, what am I?

No friends on Mainland? Oh my gosh, something must have hit my head real hard. I had been going out a lot and even my housemate was saying I am always not at home. I have more friends on Mainland compared to on Island! I should have realised this earlier.

You see the point now?

I guess when you are depressed, you are blinded from the bright side. If I could leave a message to few months ago’s Angelina, I would tell her that things are not always permanent so, enjoy the good stuff when it happens and do not be bothered by the bad ones because things are very very rare to be as bad as it seems.

It always gets better.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Messed Up Life

Lately, I knew a number of people who are going through a messed up life especially when it involves feelings and relationships.

Some went through it for years and ended up being hurt real bad.

Some went through it for months and felt really bad about it but not doing anything. In the end, I can guarantee you that they will end up being hurt real bad too.

The question is – they chose it or being forced ?

Honestly, no matter which it was, the result will definitely be the same – hurt – regardless you set a borderline, no string attached, friends with benefits or whatsoever shit you could come up with.

It is useless.

You either hurt yourself or the other person or even both. I had seen and witnessed all three scenarios.

No, I am not being judgmental here.

The fact that I had been there and done that, I know and understand really really well. Seeing them reminded me of my past.

Therefore, if you are still in such messed up life, please clean it up soon. No one can save you other than yourself. Not only you gain pain but you will be haunted by remorse too.

And if you find yourself being part of the messed up life of someone else, please get out soon. Never drop down to their level. Just know that you are better and walk away. You deserve better.


Tuesday, July 2, 2013


Weeks had passed.

It was not easy to click “Okay” but I am glad I managed to do it and about 3G of my drive’s capacity was freed.

It feels great to put the past behind me and enjoy only the present while caring less about the future. Well, not that I do not give a damn about my future. I just do not want to get bothered by it too much.

Nobody can see what is going to happen in the future. It is scary. So, to make my life easier, I have to care less about it.

Many had changed and it all began since June 9th and I will tell you when the time is right..


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Home ♥

It was great to be back home last weekend. It was short but nice.

Though I may seem homeless in Penang but, I still have a place called ‘home’ and there was a saying that goes ‘Home is where the heart is.’

I was back home to celebrate my grandfather’s birthday.

My grandparents had been taking care of my siblings and I very well when our parents were outstation for work purposes. I was under their care since I was twelve.

Then I left my homeland to West Malaysia after I had finished my Form 5 and since then, I had not moved back for good. After I graduated, I went further to Shanghai to do my management traineeship. However, I had always kept in touch with them every week over the phone. This practice is still kept up until now.

My grandfather was obviously very delighted to see most of us, the grandchildren, back home to celebrate his birthday.

Our presence is the best birthday gift for him.

I had pledged to go back every year for his birthday. Let us face the fact that he is not young anymore and that I must spend more time with him.

Adding to what had happened to me recently, it felt great to be home. It made me realised that these people are the people who truly love and truly accept for who I am and also the people who will never ever leave me.

I really thank Lord to have blessed me with such a beautiful family.


Monday, June 17, 2013


Anyone can hold a grudge but, it takes a person with character to forgive.

When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden.

Forgiveness does not meant what happened was okay and it does not mean that person should still be welcomed in your life.

It just means you have made peace with the pain and are ready to let it go.

I am glad that I have made peace with the pain.


Monday, June 10, 2013

The Beginning of The End

So let me get this straight.
This is the beginning of the end.
I am closing one door and will not stare at it anymore because I know somewhere in this room that I am stuck in, another door has opened for me.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

“I don’t buy it”

Just came across this article that a friend had shared on Facebook. The name of the article actually caught my attention - The last word: He said he was leaving. She ignored him.

As I read through, what Laura faced was what I faced four months ago.

He said “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I want to break off temporarily”

Similarly, the words came at me like a speeding fist. Though I neither rage at him nor threaten him, I was not able to react like she did. To recover and compose it myself and say “I don’t buy it.”

One must be really strong and determined to reach to that level, I guess.

However, let’s put it this way:

What if it’s a woman who said “I don’t love you anymore”, will a man duck or fight?

I wonder..


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Storm

Once the storm is over, I will not remember how I made it through, how I managed to survive. I will not even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain.

When I come out of the storm, I will not be the same person who walked in.


Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Splitting Roads

A lady was walking on this road when a truck slowed down to follow her pace. The truck driver looked at the lady and fell instantly in love with her smile.

He invited her to hop on the truck and he will bring her to wherever she wants. She did not accept the offer. However, he did not give up. He continued to drive his truck at her walking pace.

He noticed her wearing high heels and asked her about it. She explained so she could see further. He then offered her a pair of running shoes and said that though one could see further with a pair of high heels, in return, her legs will sore. Why not wearing a pair of comfortable running shoes and enjoy the journey?

After thinking through, she took the shoes from him, thanked him and continued walking.

As the time passed, the man saw the lady getting tired and trying to catch her breath. He could no longer see her this way and tried to convince her, promised that he will drive her to wherever she wants. After much trials, she started to believe him and hopped onto his truck. He helped her to take her baggage onto the truck.

They traveled miles and miles together. The journey was happy and wonderful. They laughed together. Cried together. Whatever obstacles they encountered, they faced it together, solved together. 

After traveling together for a few years, the man suddenly said that he is tired of her and wanted to stop and go elsewhere with another woman. He dropped her at the roadside in the middle of nowhere and drove off. Without looking back.

The lady, not knowing where she is could only stood there, feeling helpless and hurt. She does not know anyone, not familiar with the local language. However, she has to find a shelter to rest for a while before continuing her supposedly own journey..

And you know what?

I am the lady and he is the man.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

How Are You?

Have not heard him asking her this simple question ever since she left the place they used to call home together.

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, not wanting to find out how she is doing after he asked her to move out? They had been staying together for almost two years, for goodness sake!

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, can still sleep in peace every night, not feeling guilty at all?

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, can still face each and every one of the people that they have known together?

And lastly, how could a man who had kicked her out from the place they used to call home together, wanting to get back the things he bought regardless for her or for both of them? He does not know the word ‘gentleman’ at all? C’mon! She came to this place for you, sacrificed everything she had and now that you wanted her to leave, just let her take everything, for goodness sake!

God, please bless this woman.

She is deeply hurt and is still struggling to get up. However, we believe You know what You are doing and had already prepared a beautiful ending for her. Still, please look out for her. She has no one to lean on. Not even her close buddies who are in Kuala Lumpur as well as her loving family members who are in Sarawak.

Thank you.


Monday, May 6, 2013

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I have never felt this way before – homeless.

Physically I have a roof on top of me and a bed to sleep in. I do stay in a house. However, my heart feels empty. As a saying goes, home is where the heart is.

Imagine to have come all the way to a land that is a stranger to you – not knowing anyone, not knowing anything – just for one thing, love. Fear was drowning you but just for ‘love’, you managed to swim with it. You were reassured and reassured again and again that everything will be alright by your so-called ‘love’ until one day, you were pulled down deep into the seabed!

Dumped. Thrown.

Yes, this is another emo post from mine but please bear with me. Another week has gone by and I need a break to feel weak. Of course I will get back strong again tomorrow onwards.

In fact, loneliness is eating me up.

I do have friends around me but there is still a feeling of discontentment inside of me. I feel really lonely at times especially after I moved to this new lair of mine. Of course there is an upside of it but mostly it is just a downside point of view.

Family? I am the furthest away from home, you see. And I have been away from home for more than eight years. With the situation I am in, I cannot face them at all but I was wrong. They still accept me, even after knowing what I am going through now.

Friends? They are the bunch of people who criticise but at the same time support me all these years. I made new friends and maintain the old ones. I do have friends here but not much on Mainland – most of them are on the Island. Therefore, I am here, alone, most of the time, sitting in this restaurant, with strangers that consisted of waiters, waitresses and customers around me, till late night.

However, sometimes my return to home from work or late night was waited outside the gate. I made friend with a stray dog outside my place. It really feels good to have someone, even a dog, to welcome you home. It hugs me sometimes too, asking for food *chuckles*

Sigh. I wanna go home..


Saturday, May 4, 2013

Our Limit

We always wonder what and where is our own limit. Or do we even have it?

Are we underestimating ourselves too much or are we overestimating ourselves?

Personally, I do wonder where is my own limit. In my very own experience, I did not know that I could do it until I was put into such a situation. Probably I just have to do it because there is no other choice.

It becomes a must.

I am now going through the lowest moment of my life. Probably for the time being. I could have been through the same in the past but time had healed my wounds and therefore, I could not remember them at all.

So, I believe it will be the same for now. I just have to not only accept it but also to face it and then move forward.

Just like what I had learned when I went to ESCAPE..

Taking the first step is always the hardest but once you managed to do it, the rest of the journey ain't that difficult. However, you must not stop and turn back because you can only move forward and not backward. Of course, if you are tired, you can take a rest for a while but continue to move forward after..