Sunday, July 21, 2013

Chapter 3 (Part I): How Do Men Cope With Stress?


They go their caves!

When a man gets upset, he never talks about what is bothering him. He would never burden another man with his problem unless his friend’s assistance was necessary to solve the problem.

Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn. They will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. They feel better by solving problems.

At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive and preoccupied in his relationship. He is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives and certainly deserves.

If, however, he can find a solution, instantly he will feel much better and come out of his cave; suddenly he is available for being in a relationship again.

When a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she does not know how stressed he is. She feels hurt when he turns on the news or goes outside to play some basketball and ignores her.

To expect a man who is in his cave instantly to become open, responsive and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who is upset immediately to calm down and make complete sense.

It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman’s feelings to always be rational and logical.

Men generally do not realise how extremely and quickly they may shift from being warm and feeling to being unresponsive and distant.

When a man begins to ignore his wife, she often takes it personally. Knowing that he is coping with stress in his own way is extremely helpful but does not always help her alleviate the pain.

At such times, she may feel the need to talk about these feelings. This is when it is important for the man to validate her feelings. He needs to understand that she has the right to talk about her feelings of being ignored and unsupported just as he has the right to withdraw into his cave and not talk. If she does not feel understood then it is difficult for her to release her hurt.

By remembering that men are from Mars, a woman can correctly interpret his reaction to stress as his coping mechanism rather than as an expression of how he feels about her. As a man recognises how withdrawing into his cave may affect women, he can be compassionate when she feels neglected and unimportant. Remembering that women are from Venus helps him to be more understanding and respectful of her reactions and feelings.

To know how women cope with stress, check out the post here.


Extracted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

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