Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Storm

Once the storm is over, I will not remember how I made it through, how I managed to survive. I will not even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain.

When I come out of the storm, I will not be the same person who walked in.


Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Splitting Roads

A lady was walking on this road when a truck slowed down to follow her pace. The truck driver looked at the lady and fell instantly in love with her smile.

He invited her to hop on the truck and he will bring her to wherever she wants. She did not accept the offer. However, he did not give up. He continued to drive his truck at her walking pace.

He noticed her wearing high heels and asked her about it. She explained so she could see further. He then offered her a pair of running shoes and said that though one could see further with a pair of high heels, in return, her legs will sore. Why not wearing a pair of comfortable running shoes and enjoy the journey?

After thinking through, she took the shoes from him, thanked him and continued walking.

As the time passed, the man saw the lady getting tired and trying to catch her breath. He could no longer see her this way and tried to convince her, promised that he will drive her to wherever she wants. After much trials, she started to believe him and hopped onto his truck. He helped her to take her baggage onto the truck.

They traveled miles and miles together. The journey was happy and wonderful. They laughed together. Cried together. Whatever obstacles they encountered, they faced it together, solved together. 

After traveling together for a few years, the man suddenly said that he is tired of her and wanted to stop and go elsewhere with another woman. He dropped her at the roadside in the middle of nowhere and drove off. Without looking back.

The lady, not knowing where she is could only stood there, feeling helpless and hurt. She does not know anyone, not familiar with the local language. However, she has to find a shelter to rest for a while before continuing her supposedly own journey..

And you know what?

I am the lady and he is the man.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

How Are You?

Have not heard him asking her this simple question ever since she left the place they used to call home together.

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, not wanting to find out how she is doing after he asked her to move out? They had been staying together for almost two years, for goodness sake!

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, can still sleep in peace every night, not feeling guilty at all?

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, can still face each and every one of the people that they have known together?

And lastly, how could a man who had kicked her out from the place they used to call home together, wanting to get back the things he bought regardless for her or for both of them? He does not know the word ‘gentleman’ at all? C’mon! She came to this place for you, sacrificed everything she had and now that you wanted her to leave, just let her take everything, for goodness sake!

God, please bless this woman.

She is deeply hurt and is still struggling to get up. However, we believe You know what You are doing and had already prepared a beautiful ending for her. Still, please look out for her. She has no one to lean on. Not even her close buddies who are in Kuala Lumpur as well as her loving family members who are in Sarawak.

Thank you.


Monday, May 6, 2013

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I have never felt this way before – homeless.

Physically I have a roof on top of me and a bed to sleep in. I do stay in a house. However, my heart feels empty. As a saying goes, home is where the heart is.

Imagine to have come all the way to a land that is a stranger to you – not knowing anyone, not knowing anything – just for one thing, love. Fear was drowning you but just for ‘love’, you managed to swim with it. You were reassured and reassured again and again that everything will be alright by your so-called ‘love’ until one day, you were pulled down deep into the seabed!

Dumped. Thrown.

Yes, this is another emo post from mine but please bear with me. Another week has gone by and I need a break to feel weak. Of course I will get back strong again tomorrow onwards.

In fact, loneliness is eating me up.

I do have friends around me but there is still a feeling of discontentment inside of me. I feel really lonely at times especially after I moved to this new lair of mine. Of course there is an upside of it but mostly it is just a downside point of view.

Family? I am the furthest away from home, you see. And I have been away from home for more than eight years. With the situation I am in, I cannot face them at all but I was wrong. They still accept me, even after knowing what I am going through now.

Friends? They are the bunch of people who criticise but at the same time support me all these years. I made new friends and maintain the old ones. I do have friends here but not much on Mainland – most of them are on the Island. Therefore, I am here, alone, most of the time, sitting in this restaurant, with strangers that consisted of waiters, waitresses and customers around me, till late night.

However, sometimes my return to home from work or late night was waited outside the gate. I made friend with a stray dog outside my place. It really feels good to have someone, even a dog, to welcome you home. It hugs me sometimes too, asking for food *chuckles*

Sigh. I wanna go home..


Saturday, May 4, 2013

Our Limit

We always wonder what and where is our own limit. Or do we even have it?

Are we underestimating ourselves too much or are we overestimating ourselves?

Personally, I do wonder where is my own limit. In my very own experience, I did not know that I could do it until I was put into such a situation. Probably I just have to do it because there is no other choice.

It becomes a must.

I am now going through the lowest moment of my life. Probably for the time being. I could have been through the same in the past but time had healed my wounds and therefore, I could not remember them at all.

So, I believe it will be the same for now. I just have to not only accept it but also to face it and then move forward.

Just like what I had learned when I went to ESCAPE..

Taking the first step is always the hardest but once you managed to do it, the rest of the journey ain't that difficult. However, you must not stop and turn back because you can only move forward and not backward. Of course, if you are tired, you can take a rest for a while but continue to move forward after..


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Somewhere I Belong

I received an opportunity to go back to this city where I had lived for more than five years before I moved to where I am now. I was given the advice to give this city another shot before I move back to Sarawak for good.

This is not going to be an easy decision to make. There are tons of thing I need to really consider and think about.

Yes, I believe my life will turn to better and more happening if I go back to this city once again.

This is where Angelina was born. Well, not literally.

The Angelina that you are looking at right now was in fact, born in this city. Without this city, I will not become the person that I am now.

Yes, some people may see me, as a woman, I am over independent and ego. They may find it hard to handle my attitude and temper. They may also find it hard to understand me and concluded that I am just being ridiculous and unreasonable.

In fact, I am truly happy with who I am, well, there is a couple of attributes that I need to amend just a little bit. Of course I am aware that I am not perfect. No one is.

Since I am now in the era of taking challenges, I might as well just take this challenge and see where I can go with it?


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The New Chapter ♥

It has been so long since I last updated my blog. The last post was way back in January, oh my! I must get my ass down to not be so lazy to update my blog. Will try to work it out, somehow.

A lot had happened recently and it is way worse than anyone could imagine. Remember I moved to Penang way back in the middle of year two oh one one over here? Well, it did not go well as I hoped.

Yeah, I am back to being single again. Yay?

It was not that bad.

Well, it was really bad in the first place but I got a hang of it after urm a few months later. Things were rough and it was really difficult for me especially without having my family and best friends by my side. However, everyone strongly believe that I can work it out and move on somehow.

It is really easier said than done and I am still working on it. Like now.

I am a person who does not fall in love easily, okay that is a lie - I do fall in love easily but, only towards the people I have feelings for. And then, it is not easy for me to fall out of it. Plus, the feelings of being betrayed really hit me hard in the face. Also, to have witnessed how selfish and mean a man can be, especially who had loved you so much in the past, really had my eyes popped out from its sockets.

After many weeks being hurt emotionally and mentally, I had finally decided to move out of the place that was called ‘our home.’

I did not know I can still do well by myself. I mean I had lived alone before but after moving in and staying with a man for almost two years, I thought it would be quite difficult for me but I was wrong.

I am glad that I got myself out from there before the damage gets bigger.

And for now, I am looking forward to new wonderful things that are going to happen in my life. A friend who had been through the same once told me this..