I have never felt this way before – homeless.
Physically I have a roof on top of me and a bed to sleep in. I do stay in a house. However, my heart feels empty. As a saying goes, home is where the heart is.
Imagine to have come all the way to a land that is a stranger to you – not knowing anyone, not knowing anything – just for one thing, love. Fear was drowning you but just for ‘love’, you managed to swim with it. You were reassured and reassured again and again that everything will be alright by your so-called ‘love’ until one day, you were pulled down deep into the seabed!
Yes, this is another emo post from mine but please bear with me. Another week has gone by and I need a break to feel weak. Of course I will get back strong again tomorrow onwards.
In fact, loneliness is eating me up.
I do have friends around me but there is still a feeling of discontentment inside of me. I feel really lonely at times especially after I moved to this new lair of mine. Of course there is an upside of it but mostly it is just a downside point of view.
Family? I am the furthest away from home, you see. And I have been away from home for more than eight years. With the situation I am in, I cannot face them at all but I was wrong. They still accept me, even after knowing what I am going through now.
Friends? They are the bunch of people who criticise but at the same time support me all these years. I made new friends and maintain the old ones. I do have friends here but not much on Mainland – most of them are on the Island. Therefore, I am here, alone, most of the time, sitting in this restaurant, with strangers that consisted of waiters, waitresses and customers around me, till late night.
However, sometimes my return to home from work or late night was waited outside the gate. I made friend with a stray dog outside my place. It really feels good to have someone, even a dog, to welcome you home. It hugs me sometimes too, asking for food *chuckles*
Sigh. I wanna go home..