Monday, June 11, 2012

Chapter 2 (Part I): Men, Learn to Listen!

signals-hes-not-listening-400a020607The most common mistake men make in relationships:

A man tries to change a woman’s feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. Fix-It and offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her feelings.

Therefore, this leads to the most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen.

Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks to him, or he listens for a few beats, assesses what is bothering her and then proudly puts on his Mr. Fix-It cap and offers her a solution to make her feel better.

However, she continues to be upset. His solution is being rejected and he feels increasingly useless. He is confused when she doesn’t appreciate this gesture of love.

She wants empathy, but he thinks she wants solutions.

He has no idea that by just listening with empathy and interest he can be supportive.

He does not know that talking about problems is not an invitation to offer a solution.

Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.

You see, women never offer solutions when someone is talking. A way for honoring another woman is to listen patiently with empathy, seeking truly to understand the other’s feelings.

Try challenging yourself to practise listening whenever a woman speaks, with the sole intention of respectfully understanding what she is going through. Practise biting your tongue whenever you get the urge to offer a solution or change how she is feeling.

You will be surprised when you experience how much she appreciates you.


Extracted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus


Ken Wooi said...

so... men, just shut up and listen :P

Fumoffu said...