Thankful

Those years I spent on you were gone to waste when I realised how much you do not know me.

I am thankful you chose to leave me.

I am thankful you did not accept me back.

I am thankful. Really.

Chapter 3 (Part I): How Do Men Cope With Stress?

They go their caves!

When a man gets upset, he never talks about what is bothering him. He would never burden another man with his problem unless his friend’s assistance was necessary to solve the problem.

Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn. They will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem. They feel better by solving problems.

At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive and preoccupied in his relationship. He is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives and certainly deserves.

If, however, he can find a solution, instantly he will feel much better and come out of his cave; suddenly he is available for being in a relationship again.

When a man is stuck in his cave, he is powerless to give his partner the quality attention she deserves. It is hard for her to be accepting of him at these times because she does not know how stressed he is. She feels hurt when he turns on the news or goes outside to play some basketball and ignores her.

To expect a man who is in his cave instantly to become open, responsive and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who is upset immediately to calm down and make complete sense.

It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman’s feelings to always be rational and logical.

Men generally do not realise how extremely and quickly they may shift from being warm and feeling to being unresponsive and distant.

When a man begins to ignore his wife, she often takes it personally. Knowing that he is coping with stress in his own way is extremely helpful but does not always help her alleviate the pain.

At such times, she may feel the need to talk about these feelings. This is when it is important for the man to validate her feelings. He needs to understand that she has the right to talk about her feelings of being ignored and unsupported just as he has the right to withdraw into his cave and not talk. If she does not feel understood then it is difficult for her to release her hurt.

By remembering that men are from Mars, a woman can correctly interpret his reaction to stress as his coping mechanism rather than as an expression of how he feels about her. As a man recognises how withdrawing into his cave may affect women, he can be compassionate when she feels neglected and unimportant. Remembering that women are from Venus helps him to be more understanding and respectful of her reactions and feelings.

To know how women cope with stress, check out the post here.

 

Extracted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Landmine

How should I picture my current life?

Imagine you are on this huge piece of land covered by grasses and beautiful flowers..

Blue sky with puffy clouds covering the hot sun so you will not get burnt real bad..

Birds chirping on the trees and wild rabbits jumping around..

And you were running across the land when suddenly..

You accidentally stepped on a landmine.

That is how my life is now..

It Always Gets Better

I was reading the older posts on my blog and came across this particular post.

I sounded really weak. I sounded really troubled. I sounded really hopeless.

But guess what?

After I made a review on what I had written in that post, I realised that I am so much stronger than I thought.

Loneliness had been eating me up? What nonsense is that? What was I thinking? Look at me, I am doing really good. In fact, I feel awesome. As if nothing had ever happened to me.

I feel lonely at my new lair. Are you kidding me? Things are going great now. I have new housemates moving in and they are a bunch of nice people. All of us came from the same hometown. Awesome, right?

Not being able to face my family? What was wrong with me? They are the people who love me for who I really am. They are the people who accept me. They are the people who will never leave me. Without them, what am I?

No friends on Mainland? Oh my gosh, something must have hit my head real hard. I had been going out a lot and even my housemate was saying I am always not at home. I have more friends on Mainland compared to on Island! I should have realised this earlier.

You see the point now?

I guess when you are depressed, you are blinded from the bright side. If I could leave a message to few months ago’s Angelina, I would tell her that things are not always permanent so, enjoy the good stuff when it happens and do not be bothered by the bad ones because things are very very rare to be as bad as it seems.

It always gets better.

Messed Up Life

Lately, I knew a number of people who are going through a messed up life especially when it involves feelings and relationships.

Some went through it for years and ended up being hurt real bad.

Some went through it for months and felt really bad about it but not doing anything. In the end, I can guarantee you that they will end up being hurt real bad too.

The question is – they chose it or being forced ?

Honestly, no matter which it was, the result will definitely be the same – hurt – regardless you set a borderline, no string attached, friends with benefits or whatsoever shit you could come up with.

It is useless.

You either hurt yourself or the other person or even both. I had seen and witnessed all three scenarios.

No, I am not being judgmental here.

The fact that I had been there and done that, I know and understand really really well. Seeing them reminded me of my past.

Therefore, if you are still in such messed up life, please clean it up soon. No one can save you other than yourself. Not only you gain pain but you will be haunted by remorse too.

And if you find yourself being part of the messed up life of someone else, please get out soon. Never drop down to their level. Just know that you are better and walk away. You deserve better.

Present

Weeks had passed.

It was not easy to click “Okay” but I am glad I managed to do it and about 3G of my drive’s capacity was freed.

It feels great to put the past behind me and enjoy only the present while caring less about the future. Well, not that I do not give a damn about my future. I just do not want to get bothered by it too much.

Nobody can see what is going to happen in the future. It is scary. So, to make my life easier, I have to care less about it.

Many had changed and it all began since June 9th and I will tell you when the time is right..