Two Years..

So it has already been two years.

Two years ago, if you had asked me if I ever had the slightest thought that I would end up like now, I would say no.

Two years ago, if you had asked me to reconsider my decision, I would say no.

Two years ago..

It is neither short nor long but a lot of things come by unexpectedly.

I was damaged emotionally, mentally and physically but, I am proud that I am still standing strong and tall.

Even if I could go back in time, I would still make the same decision.

Why?

It does hurt.

Hurt a lot.

Like a big hole in my heart that I thought I would die.

However, I am stronger now. I am tougher now. I am wiser now, well, a bit since I am still stubborn when it comes to relationship.

I feel I could face anything!

I believe those who had been by my side all these while, they had seen the happiness that I had when I first moved here and then, I fell real hard. Blimey, I did a lot of stupid things which disrespect myself.

“I can never ever move on” “I cannot make it” “This is hard”

Those were all the thoughts I had back then.

And also, because of this, I managed to know who truly care about me and never leave me.

Trust me, someone who said “I will always be by your side” or “I will never leave you” are not always the ones that will stay.

When I looked back, I realised that nothing can bring me down now.

Thankful

Those years I spent on you were gone to waste when I realised how much you do not know me.

I am thankful you chose to leave me.

I am thankful you did not accept me back.

I am thankful. Really.

The Beginning of The End

So let me get this straight.

 

This is the beginning of the end.

 

I am closing one door and will not stare at it anymore because I know somewhere in this room that I am stuck in, another door has opened for me.

 

The Storm

Once the storm is over, I will not remember how I made it through, how I managed to survive. I will not even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain.

When I come out of the storm, I will not be the same person who walked in.

The Splitting Roads

A lady was walking on this road when a truck slowed down to follow her pace. The truck driver looked at the lady and fell instantly in love with her smile.

He invited her to hop on the truck and he will bring her to wherever she wants. She did not accept the offer. However, he did not give up. He continued to drive his truck at her walking pace.

He noticed her wearing high heels and asked her about it. She explained so she could see further. He then offered her a pair of running shoes and said that though one could see further with a pair of high heels, in return, her legs will sore. Why not wearing a pair of comfortable running shoes and enjoy the journey?

After thinking through, she took the shoes from him, thanked him and continued walking.

As the time passed, the man saw the lady getting tired and trying to catch her breath. He could no longer see her this way and tried to convince her, promised that he will drive her to wherever she wants. After much trials, she started to believe him and hopped onto his truck. He helped her to take her baggage onto the truck.

They traveled miles and miles together. The journey was happy and wonderful. They laughed together. Cried together. Whatever obstacles they encountered, they faced it together, solved together. 

After traveling together for a few years, the man suddenly said that he is tired of her and wanted to stop and go elsewhere with another woman. He dropped her at the roadside in the middle of nowhere and drove off. Without looking back.

The lady, not knowing where she is could only stood there, feeling helpless and hurt. She does not know anyone, not familiar with the local language. However, she has to find a shelter to rest for a while before continuing her supposedly own journey..

And you know what?

I am the lady and he is the man.

How Are You?

Have not heard him asking her this simple question ever since she left the place they used to call home together.

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, not wanting to find out how she is doing after he asked her to move out? They had been staying together for almost two years, for goodness sake!

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, can still sleep in peace every night, not feeling guilty at all?

How could a man who brought a woman to an unfamiliar land in the first place to stay with him, can still face each and every one of the people that they have known together?

And lastly, how could a man who had kicked her out from the place they used to call home together, wanting to get back the things he bought regardless for her or for both of them? He does not know the word ‘gentleman’ at all? C’mon! She came to this place for you, sacrificed everything she had and now that you wanted her to leave, just let her take everything, for goodness sake!

God, please bless this woman.

She is deeply hurt and is still struggling to get up. However, we believe You know what You are doing and had already prepared a beautiful ending for her. Still, please look out for her. She has no one to lean on. Not even her close buddies who are in Kuala Lumpur as well as her loving family members who are in Sarawak.

Thank you.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I have never felt this way before – homeless.

Physically I have a roof on top of me and a bed to sleep in. I do stay in a house. However, my heart feels empty. As a saying goes, home is where the heart is.

Imagine to have come all the way to a land that is a stranger to you – not knowing anyone, not knowing anything – just for one thing, love. Fear was drowning you but just for ‘love’, you managed to swim with it. You were reassured and reassured again and again that everything will be alright by your so-called ‘love’ until one day, you were pulled down deep into the seabed!

Dumped. Thrown.

Yes, this is another emo post from mine but please bear with me. Another week has gone by and I need a break to feel weak. Of course I will get back strong again tomorrow onwards.

In fact, loneliness is eating me up.

I do have friends around me but there is still a feeling of discontentment inside of me. I feel really lonely at times especially after I moved to this new lair of mine. Of course there is an upside of it but mostly it is just a downside point of view.

Family? I am the furthest away from home, you see. And I have been away from home for more than eight years. With the situation I am in, I cannot face them at all but I was wrong. They still accept me, even after knowing what I am going through now.

Friends? They are the bunch of people who criticise but at the same time support me all these years. I made new friends and maintain the old ones. I do have friends here but not much on Mainland – most of them are on the Island. Therefore, I am here, alone, most of the time, sitting in this restaurant, with strangers that consisted of waiters, waitresses and customers around me, till late night.

However, sometimes my return to home from work or late night was waited outside the gate. I made friend with a stray dog outside my place. It really feels good to have someone, even a dog, to welcome you home. It hugs me sometimes too, asking for food *chuckles*

Sigh. I wanna go home..

Our Limit

We always wonder what and where is our own limit. Or do we even have it?

Are we underestimating ourselves too much or are we overestimating ourselves?

Personally, I do wonder where is my own limit. In my very own experience, I did not know that I could do it until I was put into such a situation. Probably I just have to do it because there is no other choice.

It becomes a must.

I am now going through the lowest moment of my life. Probably for the time being. I could have been through the same in the past but time had healed my wounds and therefore, I could not remember them at all.

So, I believe it will be the same for now. I just have to not only accept it but also to face it and then move forward.

Just like what I had learned when I went to ESCAPE..

Taking the first step is always the hardest but once you managed to do it, the rest of the journey ain't that difficult. However, you must not stop and turn back because you can only move forward and not backward. Of course, if you are tired, you can take a rest for a while but continue to move forward after..

The New Chapter ♥

It has been so long since I last updated my blog. The last post was way back in January, oh my! I must get my ass down to not be so lazy to update my blog. Will try to work it out, somehow.

A lot had happened recently and it is way worse than anyone could imagine. Remember I moved to Penang way back in the middle of year two oh one one over here? Well, it did not go well as I hoped.

Yeah, I am back to being single again. Yay?

It was not that bad.

Well, it was really bad in the first place but I got a hang of it after urm a few months later. Things were rough and it was really difficult for me especially without having my family and best friends by my side. However, everyone strongly believe that I can work it out and move on somehow.

It is really easier said than done and I am still working on it. Like now.

I am a person who does not fall in love easily, okay that is a lie - I do fall in love easily but, only towards the people I have feelings for. And then, it is not easy for me to fall out of it. Plus, the feelings of being betrayed really hit me hard in the face. Also, to have witnessed how selfish and mean a man can be, especially who had loved you so much in the past, really had my eyes popped out from its sockets.

After many weeks being hurt emotionally and mentally, I had finally decided to move out of the place that was called ‘our home.’

I did not know I can still do well by myself. I mean I had lived alone before but after moving in and staying with a man for almost two years, I thought it would be quite difficult for me but I was wrong.

I am glad that I got myself out from there before the damage gets bigger.

And for now, I am looking forward to new wonderful things that are going to happen in my life. A friend who had been through the same once told me this..

现在你跟他只有一种可能；
离开他，你的人生有一万种可能

Lovely Sunday!

It has been a long time since I had a lovely Sunday with the boyfriend, with just the two of us. We were supposed to wake up really early in the morning to jog at Botanical Garden. However, since the boyfriend did not get a chance to sleep for all the day for many weeks, I decided not to wake him up when the alarm rang.

When we were finally up by noon time, we went to I Mum Mum Restaurant. A friend of mine had shared with me that their pan mee is really good. Therefore, I decided to hunt for this restaurant. Since none of us had ever been to that restaurant, it was not that easy to locate its location. It was quite hidden in the midst of the flats though but, once you managed to locate it, you knew it was not that difficult at all.

I ordered Pan Mee Soup since it had been my favourite all along, especially the hand-shredded ‘teared’ dough. The soup is really flavourful and believe it or not, for a person who usually waste her food, she finished everything, not even a drop of soup in her bowl. However, the portion is very small which costs RM3.00 only; bigger portion will be RM3.50.

The boyfriend ordered Dry Pan Mee and it is similarly good to my Pan Mee Soup with mine better. It costs RM3.00 which comes with small portion. An advice for those who want to try their pan mee, it is best to order bigger portion. With two glasses of iced Chrysanthemum, the meal only costs us RM8.20 which is superb.

Do take note that I Mum Mum Restaurant opens from 7am to 3pm and they closed every alternate Monday.

After our meal, we decided to head over to Queensbay Mall. We wanted to watch a movie but GSC is not showing Ted so, we turned back to head over to 1st Avenue. Since the next showing was 4.10pm, we had a lot of time to kill. We strolled inside the mall and checked out the event run inside the mall, Model Search.

When we were taking a short break at Old Town White Coffee, we realised that we were going to be late for our movie. The boyfriend was saying ‘We are usually late for movies when we come from home. Can’t believe that we are also late when we are already inside the mall.’ Honestly...

It was a truly good comedy movie with lots of laughter filled the air. Though a few scenes were bring cut out, for example the screenshot above, all the rude words were not being censored. This movie revolves a lonely boy named John who received a large teddy bear for Christmas named Ted. John made a wish against a falling star that his cuddly friend became alive. Funny and touching movie, trust me.

After movie, we headed to Gurney Plaza to join some friends for dinner at Bar-B-Q Plaza before we called it a day. It was somewhat an enjoyable meal and we had a great talk and laugh together. I will be away from Penang for a week so I really enjoyed yesterday and I wished for more to come when I get back.

Food Review: House of KoloMee@D’Piazza Mall Penang

I was told by a friend earlier that there is another restaurant that serves good Sarawakian food in Penang but I had yet to try it. Then, coincidentally I found the place. Since that one afternoon the boyfriend drove us to Bayan Baru area, we decided to try its food. The owner is the same as the owner of The Carpenter Street. We managed to speak with the owner and it seems that he is no longer managing The Carpenter Street anymore.

As you enter the restaurant, you will see the menu displayed on the wall on your left. It shows clearly how you can place your order as there are no waiter or waitresses serving you.

Once you understood the progress, you are to walk further inside the restaurant to place your order at this touch-screen device. The owner works in Intel (his wife manages the restaurant) and therefore, he did the programming himself. Pretty cool, huh?

A ticket will be printed once you had done with your order. Collect the ticket and wait for your number to be displayed to collect your order at the counter.

As shown on the picture above, they provide free flow of drinks at just RM1.00 per glass and there is a complimentary soup for the customers. Awesome, right?

I ordered Original Kolo Mee with my favourite red Char Siew sauce. I do not fancy kolo mee but because of the red Char Siew sauce, I will take it. It was really good – the combination of the sauce with the minced meat is indescribable.

The boyfriend, on the other hand, ordered just the ordinary Original Kolo Mee. The noodles’ texture was alright but the taste is not strong enough. We gave the owner our feedback and he requested us to come back again to try its Original Kolo Mee again. Therefore, stay tuned for our next visit to House of KoloMee!

Day 3: Halong-Hanoi

Our third day of the trip was a long day. It was very sunny and high humidity level. That morning we went to the wharf after breakfast.

Our local tour guide rented a cruise for our group and only our group boarded the cruise. This kind of cruise is only for a day-trip purposes. As for us, it was a 4-hour ride only.

There are tourists who actually stayed a few nights on a cruise. I was recommended by a friend that it's best to stay 2 days 1 night at on a cruise as the views of sunset and sunrise are magnificent at Halong Bay.

We stopped at Thien Cung Cave. It is also known as the cave of the heavenly place that is famous for its stalagmites and stalactites.

The weather was really hot so upon reaching the entrance of this cave, it was a bit cooling. However, when you were inside the cave, you sweat non-stop. It may not be stuffy inside the cave but due to high humidity level, we sweat a lot.

Halong Bay is a unique UNESCO World Heritage Site that is a popular place for tourists but it is good to know that large parts of Ha Long Bay are officially protected from development. The islands vary greatly in size and shape as well as structure. Ha Long Bay is also one of the New 7 Wonders of Nature.

After the cruise ride, we went to Era Café Museum. Vietnam is famous for its coffee and therefore, that was where we bought all our coffee.

We then departed to go back to Hanoi. When we reached Hanoi, we saw this bridge, Long Bien Bridge. This is a historic cantilever bridge across the Red River that connects two parts of the city of Hanoi, Vietnam. It was originally called Paul Doumer Bridge. The bridge was built in 1903 by the architects of Daydé & Pillé, a French company. Only bicyclists and motorcyclists are allowed to use the bridge.

Since the traffic was quite jammed as it was a weekend, there were a lot of motorcycles on the road. We saw interesting and unique Vietnamese motorcyclists on the roads.

After dinner, we were sent back to the hotel and that was the end of the whole trip. Since I had made my own research and was not satisfied with having local food through this tour, I decided to make my own trip to a famous local restaurant in town, KOTO. The food was amazing though it was a bit pricey. I had bun cha that night and it was really good.

KOTO is known as Know One, Teach One. Every six months KOTO recruits up to 30 street or disadvantaged youth aged16-22 coming from difficult life circumstances. These include poverty, abandonment, orphans, abuse, youth involved in exploitative employment, neglect, conflict with the law, parents with addictions, parents with mental health problems and a range of other troubled backgrounds. KOTO taps into a wide network of sources to identify target youth and the trainee recruitment process usually takes up to three months depending on the number of applications received.

The next day was mostly spent at the airport and flights. To be honest, this whole trip was not worth the money we paid. I will definitely want to go back to Vietnam again but that would be Ho Chi Minh.

Day 2: Hanoi-Halong

It was a Friday on our second in Hanoi, the day which we would be doing a bit of sightseeing before we left for Ha Long. The hotel’s breakfast was great – we had a variety of choices and the food tasted good. And since we were not coming back to the hotel to get our things, we checked-out really early that day.

Our first destination was Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum. This is the final resting place of Vietnamese great father or uncle Ho President Ho Chi Minh's stilt house. Since it was a Friday, the place was closed. This place is closed on Mondays and Fridays only. Also, it will be closed in October and November. The day was really hot and sunny. Glad that the place was closed and that we do not have to join the queue to enter the mausoleum.

Instead, we went to visit Ho Chi Minh's Vestige in the Presidential Palace Area. This relic complex has become vital memories connecting to President Ho Chi Minh's 15 years of living and working from December 1954 to September 1969. Visitors will see the presidential palace, fishpond, orchard, cars, the house of 1954 and especially the historic house-on-stilts of Ho Chi Minh which symbolizes his living way of simplicity, modesty, gentleness and dedication for the nation and the people.

Our last sight-seeing before lunchtime was Temple of Literature. This temple is the oldest university in Vietnam, constructed in 1076. There are five courtyards include beautiful gardens, walls inscribed with the names of scholars, several altars and a small museum. The place was packed with local Vietnamese graduates that day. I guess there was a graduation going on and the students came here celebrating their graduation.

After lunch at Lion City, our journey to Halong started. It took us one afternoon to reach our destination though we made a short stop in between for a break. We were relieved that we are not staying at Golden Ha Long Hotel as we read a lot of negative reviews on that hotel. Instead, we stayed a night at New Star Ha Long Hotel, a new hotel in town.

After our dinner at a local restaurant, some of us went for a Vietnamese massage and man, I prefer Thai Massage a lot more. Since there was no activities after, the boyfriend, his friend and I, as usual, took a walk around the hotel in search for local food. We had roti kebab and seafood by the roadside before we called it a day.

Day 1: Hanoi

Another year had passed and this time the boyfriend’s company had arranged a company trip to Hanoi, Vietnam. Compared to last year, those that are coming from Penang will not have to take a night bus to Kuala Lumpur. We took flights instead.

We landed Hanoi about noon time and after we met up with our local tour guide, we were sent to our hotel. The traffic in Hanoi is nowhere better from what I had imagined. Very jammed and crowded, dominated by motorcyclists. It took us more than an hour to reach our hotel.

Checked-in at Demantoid Hotel, we had a few hours to spare before our first activity. Since we had not taken our lunch, I wanted to go all out – to try the local food at a local restaurant. However, the boyfriend’s friend had already made his order at KFC so, sadly to say, our first meal in Hanoi was KFC.

After lunch, we decided to take a walk around for a bit, also in search to buy a few sim cards before we went back to our own rooms. We were supposed to gather and meet the local tour guide at the hotel’s lobby at 4.30pm. We had our dinner at the local restaurant at five before we went to watch an hour water puppetry show at Thang Long Water Puppet Theatre.

Unfortunately after the show, we were sent back to the hotel to call it a day. Of course the boyfriend and I were not satisfied. We decided to walk around the streets to find some local food. We found Classic Motor Coffee – the guys had coffee while I had a beer.

We continued walked around and we found a restaurant, Pho G, super close to our hotel. Should have come here in the first place. They serve local fried beef noodles and it was good. Unfortunately we were stuffed from what we had at Classic Motor Coffee. Therefore, we ordered one plate and shared it among ourselves.

Seeing the night was still early, we walked a bit further and found this dessert shop, Lan Kwai Fong. We had a few smoothies and the smoothies were rich! Not the cheap watery ones.

Since our stomachs were stuffed with all the local food, we were fulfilled and willingly to call it a day finally!

Redang Island: Day 3

It was finally our last day on Redang Island, which none of us was looking forward to. Our days on the island passed by so fast that we were not prepared to face our last day together on this island.

From being strangers to acquaintances and now we are friends. To be honest, I am really happy that my boyfriend met them but at the same time, I am unhappy that I have to divide his time. However, I managed to get to know the partners of his friends so at least I can spend my time with the ladies while he go and spend his time with the gents.

Oh, and guess what? The guys made some new friends and this new friend has now joined their club as well. I guess people with the same interests will never be able to run away from each other.

We had our lunch before we left Kuala Terengganu. Since it is a daytime, the number of vehicles on the roads are more compared to when we were driving in the middle of the night. Therefore, it took us longer hours to drive back to Penang Island.

We stopped by Temenggor Lake before we continued our journey to Gerik to have our dinner while watching Olympics’ final match. Of course we were cheering for our Dato’ Lee Chong Wei and thanks to that we forgot our hunger. We waited for our food for more than an hour.

It was about 9-plus when we decided to continue our journey after we had finished our dinner. The boyfriend and I got home about 11pm. He told me that this trip was indeed a three-full-day trip.

Redang Island: Day 2

Most of us were more energised the next morning. After breakfast, the guys had a short game of ping pong before our first snorkeling session for the day at Marine Park. I was told that there were a lot of beautiful fish and corals. We enjoyed feeding the fish though.

After lunch, there was another snorkeling session at Kampung Dalam. This time I planned not to get into the water. I decided to be the photographer. However, I missed out a lot of things. Some of my friends told me that they saw a big turtle. Some of them said they saw a very big coral. Damn! I could only mourn for my loss.

After tea break, the guys went to rent a volleyball to have a few games of beach volleyball. They even made a few new friends. Me? I became the photographer. When it was already seven, we went back to the resort to have our dinner and got ourselves ready for party that night.

That night, we went to Summer Point. It is located at the other side of the beach where our resort is. Actually I planned to call the night early but fortunately, I did not. I went back to where to group was and joined them at the dance floor. And of course, not to be missed the photography session. Since the next day would be our last day on Redang Island, we went all out that night before we called the night together. Glad I did left the party earlier.

Redang Island: Day 1

It was finally the moment that, I personally believe, everyone had been waiting for. The excursion to Redang Island was finally here. However, we ain’t getting there by flight or bus. We drove to Kuala Terengganu!

Yeah, all 15 of us in 6 cars drove to Kuala Terengganu together. It was not an easy journey as the road is not as wide as North-South Highway and it was really dark. Plus, the boyfriend were not able to take a nap after work at all. Though we made a few stops, we managed to reach our destination by six in the morning. Unfortunately, we did not encounter any wild elephants crossing the road. I was hoping for that to happen!

After we had our breakfast at a restaurant, we proceeded to the jetty. It was not difficult to find the place but due to a lot of one-way streets, it was not easy either. Fortunately, I brought along a GPS with us so we managed to find our way there.

It was about one and a half hour ride from the jetty to the island. We checked-in before proceeded to have our lunch at the canteen. The gents later had a short game of beach volleyball before all of us went back to our own rooms to rest and getting prepared for our first snorkeling session at Pulau Paku Besar.

The resort really spoiled us. After we came back from our snorkeling session, there was an hour tea break awaiting us. One and a half hour after tea break, there was dinner. We decided to take a walk along the beach to digest the food we took from tea break to prepare ourselves better for dinner later.

We passed by a lot of other resorts on Redang Island. There were more people on the other side compared to where our resort located. Also, we went to check out the famous More More Tea Inn, the famous spot where a Hong Kong film, Summer Holiday, was set. However, the place is currently a gift shop that offers a variety of souvenir items. We took a lot of photos before headed back to the resort for dinner.

The boyfriend and I ended the day really early. We were knackered so we went to sleep right after dinner while the remaining ones chillaxed at a bar nearby with drinks and snacks. Of course we made it up to everyone the next night.